Preggy Paranoia

Dear Dr. Katie Borders,

I would like to apologize in advance for my new found baby-related neuroses, and for any and all subsequent frantic text messages about baby Tyson.

Love,
Your formerly sane friend, Leigh Ann
-----

A wise client of mine told me that the smart patients are the hardest to deal with... I must be a freaking genius. I do try to keep myself informed about mommyhood and all things related to pregnancy, and as a result, I can get a little worried when things are not going 'by the book'. Actually, I worry even when I AM going by the book. I think the next BOOK needs to be entitled Preggy Paranoia - Preparing New Moms for the Crazy That Lies Ahead.

At first, it was the fear of exercise killing my baby. When I first found out I was pregnant, I realized that I had been running timed miles at the gym all week long - an exercise that I was certainly not used to. Great, I thought... I actually GOT pregnant but I've starved the embryo of oxygen. Way to go, mom.

Then, once I realized the little bugger was okay, I was convinced that I was going to contract listeria (and I'm still convinced of it). Me, who used to eat fish from her purse, scared of a food-borne illness. I haven't touched soft cheese or cold cuts since early July. I even skipped out on the turkey and ham (HoneyBaked... MY FAVE!) at Christmas while everyone else made fun of me.

Once we got to the later stages of the second trimester, I started freaking out about Braxton Hicks contractions... I just knew vacuuming or being on my feet for too long would make the baby come early. For the record, I'm still conducting training sessions from a stability ball.

The new paranoia has to do with Tyson's movements... or lack thereof! A few weeks ago he was so active and now (since he's running out of room) I don't feel him moving as much. It's gone from full blown roundhouse kicks to little flutters in about 3 weeks. Lately, I have been known to give him a little nudge on the butt to make sure I get a reaction.

Does this mean I'm going to be one of those moms that put a mirror under their infant's nose to make sure it fogs as they exhale? As he gets older, will I assume that he's in a ditch somewhere if he doesn't call to check in? Will I even be able to receive his calls from my room in the psych ward?