As with many areas of life (marriage, finance, nutrition, fitness...) there seems to be a lack of common sense in pregnant women and those that surround them. I'm no parenting expert, but when it comes to the common sense arena, I've been blessed. Since no such manual exists, I took it upon myself to make some guidelines for those who might have lackluster street smarts. I still can't figure out why it's called 'common' sense when it seems so scarce!
#1: The same rules of etiquette you use for the general population apply when addressing a pregnant woman. There is no way you would sit in front of the Great American Cookie Co. at the mall and yell out 'HEY LARD ASS' at the people buying their double doozies and butter cookies. Therefore, you don't need to inform me every time I look larger. Refrain from comments like 'you look bigger than you did two days ago' or I might respond 'you look uglier than you did two days ago'. If you can't say something nice, button it. I'm supposed to be getting bigger, smarty. There's a HUMAN in there. Why comment on the inevitable? No one yells 'HOLY SHIT' every morning when the sun rises.
#2: Pregnant women - don't be dumb. We all have 'oopsie' moments where we do something not-so-smart like picking up a heavy bag of dog food (guilty!) or wrestling down a poodle-hungry pit bull (um, yeah, that was me too), but these are things that we do instinctively or absent-mindedly... and we all make mistakes. The issue I'm addressing here are moms-to-be who TRY to achieve amazing physical feats while pregnant, then post about it on FaceBook hoping for kudos. I ran a marathon, finished in under 3 hours, and had my baby at mile 24! How about expectant mothers who shun carbs or count calories? SERIOUSLY? Ladies, there is a BABY in there. A BABY. Since you peed on the stick, it has been YOUR job ALONE to take care of him. You have the rest of your life to diet and set marathoning records. Can't it wait nine months? Don't be dumb.
#3: Have a little sympathy for pregnancy-related changes, like increased sense of smell or sleeplessness. I had an acute sense of smell pre-pregnancy, and now I could work part time as a drug-sniffing police dog. As a personal trainer, this new-found super power can be a little inconvenient. To make it even more complicated, I work at 5:45am, when some believe workouts can be 'hygiene-optional'. Please brush your teeth and use deodorant. And take Beano, where applicable. I can't explain how bad fart, funk, and garlic smell to me right now. 3 minutes of your life. That's all I'm asking for!
I used to have an amazing ability to sleep thru anything... until the achy-hip-no-lying-on-the-back-constant-baby-gymnastics thing kicked in. Oh yeah, and Jesse took up snoring, you know... just for fun. He, however, could teach folks a thing or two about hubby etiquette. He will send himself to the guest bedroom if he knows he's keeping me up, which keeps me from putting his pillow over his face! THAT is definitely a good thing.
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