Fill in the blank: ___________ is the thing that makes me happy.
Right now, you are sitting there, over-thinking that little riddle. You are searching for big words in that mental thesaurus of yours, trying to be the one to leave the answer with the deepest meaning, the most thought, the most creativity. Before your head explodes, I'll give you the answer that I came up with: BEING HAPPY is the thing that makes me happy.
Being in the health and fitness industry, and being a former fat kid, I used to believe that skinny would make me happy. Don't tell me that sounds vain! I bet you have seen plenty of folks posting their 'rah rah' weight loss quotes on FaceBook, like 'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' or 'A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips'. Maybe, like me, you have a lot of physique competitor friends who write their whole food diary online in hopes that they'll get some 'likes' and their crew of online homies will keep them on track during the holidays. How does eating bland grilled chicken and skipping out on your favorite once-a-year indulgences make you happy? Again, stop searching for the deep, creative answer. The answer is IT DOESN'T. It makes you feel like you're in control, but it doesn't make you happy.
Being a part of the 'vanity' industry (let's be honest!), I was a little worried about how the pregnancy weight gain would affect me emotionally. We all know from previous blog posts that I was at my former high school 'fat weight' before I could even GET pregnant, and now the scale will continue upward until the baby is here. I used to put so much emphasis on my physique that gaining a couple of pounds would send me into a tailspin when I was competing. How would I react to the inevitable weight gain that comes along with pregnancy? Surprisingly, to this point, I've handled it very well! It's as if it doesn't even phase me, really. As the scale went up, a light bulb went off in my head: Hey smart girl! If being skinny is the key to being happy, then why are you so amped to be wearing those awesome preggy stretchy jeans?
Is it just the hormones? No. It's because I can focus on being healthy without worrying about being skinny. It's because I can miss a workout to spend time with my husband without freaking out about it. It's because I do my workouts to do something FOR my body instead of doing something TO my body. Simply, it's because being happy is the thing that makes me happy.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
"I didn't know I was pregnant"? Seriously?
It's pretty freaking obvious that the people on the TV show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" rank right up there IQ-wise with the guests on "Maury". Have you ever sat thru an episode? Me neither - I'm afraid it'll make me dumber - but I've seen enough highlights on "The Soup" to get the idea. "I thought I had to go to the bathroom really bad, when PLOP!, I pooped out a baby." Beyond the mistaken poop-cramp, did you not have any other signs that you might be, I don't know, growing a human? Just in case a potential TV starlet is reading this, I've made a list of 'pregnancy symptoms' so you can save yourself the embarrassment of reenacting your baby's toilet-birth.
#1: I suddenly hate foods I used to love
Gee whiz, I used to love lasagna, but ever since I stopped having my period I can't seem to stand the smell of it. All I want are crackers and ginger ale, yet I seem to be getting fatter. Maybe I have figured out how to create mass out of nothing! Anyone have the phone number for NASA? They'll TOTALLY want to know about this.
#2: Such weird indigestion!
I seem to have indigestion ALL THE TIME, whether I've eaten anything or not. All these gas bubbles keep churning, even though I'm not really passing gas. Strangely, some of them look like elbows, and it feels like something is kicking me, but from the INSIDE! My stars, I wonder what that could be?
#3: This is not what Sir Mix A Lot liked, and I cannot lie.
I used to be the 'little in the middle but she got much back' kind of girl, but MAN! my waist looks bloated and swollen! Maybe it's the indigestion, but I can't believe how much weight I've gained in my belly. It's so weird, because I used to gain all my weight in my butt. I can't wear any of my pants any more and all my shirts are too short. Maybe I should get some of those maternity tops and not tell anyone, just until this bloat goes away.
#4: The accumulation of pillows
I've always been such a hard sleeper, but suddenly I developed this awful acid reflux (maybe back to the swollen-belly elbow-indigestion?) so I have to have two pillows under me to sleep at an incline. Then, out of nowhere, my hips started to ache in the middle of the night so I had to have a pillow between my knees. Then, for whatever reason, lying on my back became uncomfortable, almost like there is some heavy object in my abdomen (weird, I know!) so I had to get a body pillow to help me sleep on my side. Maybe I should do a sleep study or something - there is just no good reason I should go thru this much trouble to sleep!
#5: Velcro shoes
I seriously need to lose some weight! My belly is so darned big that I can't tie my shoes anymore. It's like there is this big thing in my belly preventing me from reaching (or seeing) my feet. Maybe it's a bowel obstruction. Yep, that's totally it. I almost miss all that unexplained vomiting a few months ago!
And last but not least...
#6: Expired tampons
Hmm. That's curious. I have all these new boxes of tampons that are past their expiration date. Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I had my period. SCORE! Who wouldn't be jealous of that?
#1: I suddenly hate foods I used to love
Gee whiz, I used to love lasagna, but ever since I stopped having my period I can't seem to stand the smell of it. All I want are crackers and ginger ale, yet I seem to be getting fatter. Maybe I have figured out how to create mass out of nothing! Anyone have the phone number for NASA? They'll TOTALLY want to know about this.
#2: Such weird indigestion!
I seem to have indigestion ALL THE TIME, whether I've eaten anything or not. All these gas bubbles keep churning, even though I'm not really passing gas. Strangely, some of them look like elbows, and it feels like something is kicking me, but from the INSIDE! My stars, I wonder what that could be?
#3: This is not what Sir Mix A Lot liked, and I cannot lie.
I used to be the 'little in the middle but she got much back' kind of girl, but MAN! my waist looks bloated and swollen! Maybe it's the indigestion, but I can't believe how much weight I've gained in my belly. It's so weird, because I used to gain all my weight in my butt. I can't wear any of my pants any more and all my shirts are too short. Maybe I should get some of those maternity tops and not tell anyone, just until this bloat goes away.
#4: The accumulation of pillows
I've always been such a hard sleeper, but suddenly I developed this awful acid reflux (maybe back to the swollen-belly elbow-indigestion?) so I have to have two pillows under me to sleep at an incline. Then, out of nowhere, my hips started to ache in the middle of the night so I had to have a pillow between my knees. Then, for whatever reason, lying on my back became uncomfortable, almost like there is some heavy object in my abdomen (weird, I know!) so I had to get a body pillow to help me sleep on my side. Maybe I should do a sleep study or something - there is just no good reason I should go thru this much trouble to sleep!
#5: Velcro shoes
I seriously need to lose some weight! My belly is so darned big that I can't tie my shoes anymore. It's like there is this big thing in my belly preventing me from reaching (or seeing) my feet. Maybe it's a bowel obstruction. Yep, that's totally it. I almost miss all that unexplained vomiting a few months ago!
And last but not least...
#6: Expired tampons
Hmm. That's curious. I have all these new boxes of tampons that are past their expiration date. Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I had my period. SCORE! Who wouldn't be jealous of that?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Guess what, dumbass? You're pregnant.
I have a problem with mediocre. When I send Christmas cards, I make my own and I throw away the ones with mistakes. My decorated cookies need to look professional. When I clean the house, I wash the baseboards. Same happens in the gym. I spent so long making fun of the cardio addicts and half-assers at the gym when I was competing that it is hard for me to find an 'off switch'. Recently, I participated in a workout with my sister in law, my husband, and a few other folks. Once Jesse committed to the workout, I was committed to beating him at it. I lunged faster, ran harder, did much better deadlifts, and managed to come in on his heels. For the next 4 days, I could hardly walk. That was the first time that I said to myself 'Guess what, dumbass? You're pregnant.'
I also have trouble asking for help (GASP!). I'm not the kind of girl who gets valet parking or waits for some guy to move my luggage for me. I guess it's the youngest child syndrome, and I still have a major case of the 'I can do it myself-itis'. I was at the vet the other day to pick up Webb's $4000 per serving hypoallergenic yuppy puppy dog food, chatting up the lady behind the counter. After the (large, strapping, handsome) vet tech brought the bag out, and I paid, I picked up the 36lb bag and threw it over my shoulder like I always do. It didn't occur to me until mid-toss that, 1) that didn't feel so good and 2)oh yeah, I'm still pregnant. Dumbass.
Everyone gets into a rhythm at work where certain tasks become routine. Same with personal training. I have certain ways I breakdown and demonstrate exercises, and with group fitness, it's almost like a script. I have to speak efficiently and quickly, and I rely on physical demonstrations to make sure that everyone understands the exercises. About a week ago, I was preparing to demonstrate a suspended plank on the TRX. After I got my feet into the TRX, I realized that I normally roll onto my stomach before going into plank. Uh oh. Literally, I was in front of 20 people with my feet dangling, thinking... OH SHIT! What do I do? I was somehow able to whip myself around from seated to plank without lying on the floor (whew!) but I still felt like a dumbass.
It seems like with all the baby stuff in the house and the physical changes, the fact that I'm pregnant would be ingrained by now. Feeling the baby move should make it all real, right? I think I'm still in complete disbelief! By the time I get used to this idea, Tyson will probably be in Kindergarten.
I also have trouble asking for help (GASP!). I'm not the kind of girl who gets valet parking or waits for some guy to move my luggage for me. I guess it's the youngest child syndrome, and I still have a major case of the 'I can do it myself-itis'. I was at the vet the other day to pick up Webb's $4000 per serving hypoallergenic yuppy puppy dog food, chatting up the lady behind the counter. After the (large, strapping, handsome) vet tech brought the bag out, and I paid, I picked up the 36lb bag and threw it over my shoulder like I always do. It didn't occur to me until mid-toss that, 1) that didn't feel so good and 2)oh yeah, I'm still pregnant. Dumbass.
Everyone gets into a rhythm at work where certain tasks become routine. Same with personal training. I have certain ways I breakdown and demonstrate exercises, and with group fitness, it's almost like a script. I have to speak efficiently and quickly, and I rely on physical demonstrations to make sure that everyone understands the exercises. About a week ago, I was preparing to demonstrate a suspended plank on the TRX. After I got my feet into the TRX, I realized that I normally roll onto my stomach before going into plank. Uh oh. Literally, I was in front of 20 people with my feet dangling, thinking... OH SHIT! What do I do? I was somehow able to whip myself around from seated to plank without lying on the floor (whew!) but I still felt like a dumbass.
It seems like with all the baby stuff in the house and the physical changes, the fact that I'm pregnant would be ingrained by now. Feeling the baby move should make it all real, right? I think I'm still in complete disbelief! By the time I get used to this idea, Tyson will probably be in Kindergarten.
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