The Low Cost Fertility Solution...

It's funny how something that ALMOST makes you lose your mind can eventually help you get your head on straight.

Growing up, as most of you know, I was never the skinny friend. Even when I got to my smallest, there were friends around me who were thinner, almost effortlessly. Maybe I didn't show it at 15 years old, but I was FIGHTING everyday to stay in my size 3 Levi Jeans. Every meal was a calculated decision, turning each day into a math problem, never allowing my brain to shut down from diet mode. What I didn't know was that this MENTAL hang-up would materialize as a physiological problem in my late 20's: no period, no ovulation, no chance for a baby without the help of IVF.

The cumulative effect resulted in Hypothalamic Ammenorhea (HA). Those words carry a heavy meaning for me because this condition is brought about by ME... not genes or chance or plain bad luck. Prior to the diagnosis, I thought I had PCOS, which is an easy diagnosis to accept for a gal in my position. The condition happens at random, causes you to be especially prone to weight gain, and most importantly... isn't your fault. That means I could (without guilt or responsibility) continue to train as hard as possible without consequence... right? When I realized (in part, thanks to Scott Abel) that I don't have PCOS and that the HA had been brewing since my teens, I knew I had work to do.

My concerns about my physique ALMOST cost Jesse and I a lot of money, time, and left us with no real guarantee of having a baby. I knew I needed to lay off the workouts a bit and relax my regimented dieting, but a big part of me was still caught up in the jealousy I had of my friends who were lean, active, and still had their periods regularly. When I thought about that, it took me to a very dark, ugly place where I asked "why me?" instead of taking action. Looking back, it's hard for me to believe that I thought people (like my friends, clients, co-workers, etc) would judge me for gaining weight and working out less (since I'm a trainer), but that was a HUGE fear for me. From August to January, I muscled through the fear and did what I needed to do.

None of my clothes fit. Shopping was no longer fun for me. I distanced myself from my friends and weaseled my way out of social situations. I wondered if Jesse would still feel the same way about me as my weight climbed. I began the journey in August at 128 lbs.
I finally accepted myself at 145lbs in January when, miraculously, my period came back. I was in AWE. After not ovulating for 12 years, my body just picked up where it left off. Amazing.

That moment made me do a lot of thinking about my fears. Had I lost clients? No. In fact, I had more than ever. Had I lost friends? Nope. Was Jesse disgusted by my new, fuller figure? Not at all. In fact, our relationship was better than ever. The best part was that gaining weight, i.e. "The Low Cost Fertility Solution" was working.

I learned that taking care of my physique and taking care of my body, at least for me, were separate endeavors. Before you give me your 'I didn't have to do anything special to get preggy' story, shut it. Everyone is different.

I know some of the fitness fanatics out there want to know the mechanics of what I did, i.e. 'what did you eat' and 'what were your workouts like'?
I had backed off to doing 3 cardio sessions (my cycle classes) and a few haphazard weight training sessions here and there. I ate healthy foods but didn't obsess (as much) about the portions or about having a slice of pizza here and there. Learning to keep everything moderate was VERY VERY HARD FOR ME! In the gym, I am normally a 'go hard or go home' kinda gal, but I knew I had a bigger plan for my body than just growing my biceps and shrinking my ass. I was ready to have a baby and I wanted to be able to give that gift to myself and Jesse the old-fashioned way (because, hey, we CANNOT afford anything else!). That goal had to be at the forefront of everything I did, nutrition and workout-wise, to keep my focus away from my thighs.

My period was gone in February, back in March and April, gone in May and back in June. I refused to live and die by ovulation kits and calendars and cycle length.. ugh. Talk about taking all the fun out of this. Besides, my busy mind was the problem in the first place, so why would I fill it up with more math? As luck would have it, I must have ovulated in July because on the 28th, I found out that I am pregnant.

If I was blown away in January by getting my period back, imagine my COMPLETE SHOCK in July when I found out the big news. Every pound, every missed workout, every extra carb, every pair of jeans I took to Plato's closet was suddenly worth it.

-------------To Be Continued---------------